Absolution by E. M. Leya & Nicole Colville

Author:E. M. Leya & Nicole Colville [Leya, E. M. & Colville, Nicole]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Gay & Lesbian, Lgbt, Fiction, Literature & Fiction, Genre Fiction, Gay Romance, Gay, Contemporary, Romance, MM, Gay Fiction
Publisher: E.L.
Published: 2015-04-10T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Thirty

* * *

Jon hit the clock, trying to turn off the alarm. He swore he'd just fallen asleep. As he finally got the loud buzzer to silence, he rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling as memories of the night before crashed through him.

He gently touched his lips, closing his eyes as he remembered the feel of his kiss with Ash. It was a kiss like he'd never experienced before. Not that he had a ton to compare it to, but he'd kissed a few men before becoming a priest. Still, it was a wave of need that shot through him at the simple touch of their lips, unlike anything he could have imagined.

He wasn't dumb enough to think it might be some great thing between the two of them, but it was enough to make him wonder what else he might be passing up by living this life he chose.

The kiss with Ash hadn't felt wrong. In fact, he couldn't think of anything that felt more right in his life. Where everything else around him was in chaos, that simple kiss had been grounding, comfortable, and for the first time in years, it was as if he was doing something he hadn't done in a very long time… Living.

No matter how good it all seemed, it didn't take away the guilt. As he sat up, he thought about the words he would have to say in a little over an hour at mass, and he wondered if he could stand in front of the congregation and lead them when he'd spent last night breaking his vows to the church and more importantly to God.

When he took those vows years ago, he meant them. They were said with the knowledge of what they meant. Years of training made sure he knew what he was getting into. It wasn't like he'd just said I want to be a priest and became one. He'd spent years studying everything, learning and experiencing. When the time finally came for him to step forward and dedicate his life to the church, he was sure it was the right thing to do, but now, after breaking that promise so easily, he wasn't sure.

There wasn't any explaining away his transgression. He knew what he was getting into when he chased Ash out the door. He meant the words when he said he wanted him. He didn't regret either of those things. To regret them would mean they were wrong. He wouldn't insult what they did by saying that. It might go against his vows, might be deemed a sin by the church, but no one could tell him what happened was wrong.

That only left him more confused. He'd spent his life with the church, doing everything he was supposed to, even enjoying it through the years, but now he was questioning everything. How could he slip so far from who he thought he was? Why now?

Ash wasn't the first man he'd been attracted to since putting his collar on.

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